Hitting the (Glass) Wall

Last summer our kids took us to go through the glass labyrinth located in the front yard area of the Nelson-Atkins Museum of Art in Kansas City.

A labyrinth, as you probably know, is a maze, an irregular set of passageways that make it hard to find your way through from the beginning to the end. The walls of the passageways can be made out of all kinds of materials- hedge bushes, corn stalks, hay bales, mirrors or in this case, glass, making the walls see through.

It was fun to stand and watch for awhile. The adults had their guard up, but kids went in quickly and would run pell-mell into the glass walls. They would stop, confused, feel with their hands, turn, and then move forward quickly again till they hit another wall, and then another.

Later I thought back on this experience and the idea came to me that life reminds me of that glass labyrinth. I’m walking or skipping along through my day, like those children skipped into the passageway of the maze. I am moving through my day, going to work, checking off my “to do” list and then BAM, something happens. I run into an event of some sort that I didn’t expect at all!

Usually it’s the unexpected hard things that especially feel like “hitting a wall”. When they happen I have to stop what I’m doing physically or mentally, feel my way around by pondering the situation and trying to figure out what to do.

That was what it was like when my husband, Calvin, experienced his health event a few weeks ago. He was out in our pasture fixing a fence and began to hear an alarm (too-do too-do too-do). He checked his phone- there was no sound. Then he leaned over, listened, and found the alarm was coming from inside him! His defibrillator/pacemaker device was sending out an alarm! This is NOT a good thing. We didn’t even know the device GAVE alarms- it was strange! If you like, you can read more about that event here.

BAM- that day we walked straight into a health event that we didn’t know was coming. Kind of like hitting a glass wall in the labyrinth of our lives.

From the Emergency Room he was sent immediately by ambulance to the KU Medical Center for surgery. Needless to say, that was not on my “to do” list. I know you can relate with events that have happened sometime in your life, perhaps you are in one of those circumstances right now.

When I hit a wall, an unexpected happening, I visualize a picture of myself going inside my heart where God’s Word tells me that He lives. Hebrews says that I’m God’s holy temple and that I can approach His throne boldly.

So, inside I talk to God, ask Him questions and ponder what’s happening. I pray. Early the day of the surgery I was pressing God in prayer.  “Lord, Calvin’s going into surgery again. After all that has happened to him, the many times you have already extended his life, what are the odds that he will be OK again this time? I so want to know if he’ll live through the surgery or will I be a widow by the end of the day? God, You’re outside of time looking down on this and I am not. I am in the labyrinth, I’ve hit a wall and I don’t know what the future holds.”

It was kind of like I was trying to stand on my tiptoes and look over the wall to see forward in time. It is so, so very uncomfortable to sit and wait in the unknown.  I tried over and over to do some mental or spiritual gymnastics and try to figure out the surgery outcome and I just couldn’t do it.

But each time I hit that wall again during the day, the Holy Spirit inside would remind me of truths in God’s Word. “I Am present with You, you can trust Me. Calvin is in My hands and he is at peace with Me. I have known the number of his days since before he was born and that knowledge is for Me to carry. I know you are not created to see the future and it is HARD to wait, to be in the unknown. Take My hand and we will walk through this day together.” And we did. We walked together through the passageway of that day. I know many of you have done the same thing many times.

Long story short, Calvin has an unusual heart configuration with a long history of complications so it was a long and complex surgery, but this time there were no additional complications and surgery went well. The device and wires were removed, new ones inserted, and with no open heart surgery, the doctor was relieved (so was I) and he’s recovering (so am I).

So a few days after the surgery I was tired and was feeling kind of sorry for myself. My nose felt kind of bruised after smashing into that glass wall- after all, I was just cruising down the passageway of my day and then we’re in the ER. What’s up with that?

Again, I go inside my heart and ponder these questions with the Lord. “God, why don’t You just give a straight passageway through life? Why is it a labyrinth with glass walls and turns?”

The picture of the glass labyrinth in Kansas City came to mind and I see the children running ahead of their parent, confident in themselves…until the passageway takes a turn and they hit a wall. That is when they look for their parent to guide them.

When I run down the passageway of my day there are times I don’t even give a thought to God or speaking to Him. When I come to a turn or hit a wall I quickly turn and look for my heavenly Father.

Now there are many kinds of turns and walls as we walk through the labyrinth of our lives.

Some are challenging:

BAM- a memory of an event from the past surfaces in our mind and there is pain or grief or regret.

BAM- a relationship becomes difficult

BAM- there is a downsize in the organization and our job is eliminated

BAM- we hit a wall…we’re stopped short of going on our merry way through our day.

 

But there are also many, many turns and walls that are blessings:

BAM- the sun slips over the horizon and leaves a blaze of color in the western sky

BAM- a covey of quail run across the yard

BAM- one witnesses the birth of their baby or holds a new baby

BAM- we are lost in the words of a song or the beauty of a piece of artwork

BAM- we stop in admiration, in awe…it takes a person’s breath away

 

Every time we hit the wall and take a turn, it is an opportunity- an opportunity to understand that I am not enough in and of myself, that there is something/Someone bigger than me. That the Someone is God and He is reaching down to each one of us, inviting us to take His hand, to be helped, to apply the principles from Scripture, to walk with Him through the twists and turns of our lives, from the beginning to the end.

This is how we can live with a joyful heart, smile on the future, have deep purpose and find peace in every circumstance. We can live by faith in God, led by the Spirit down the unknown passageways of life. To hold the hand of God is better than a known way and I am so grateful.

I leave you with a portion of the poem,

“The Gate of the Year”

by Minnie Louise Haskins

And I said to the man who stood at the gate of the year:

“Give me a light that I may tread safely into the unknown.”

And he replied:

“Go out into the darkness and put your hand into the Hand of God.

That shall be to you better than light and safer than a known way.”

So I went forth, and finding the Hand of God, trod gladly into the night.

And He led me towards the hills and the breaking of day in the lone East.

So heart be still:
What need our little life
Our human life to know,


If God hath comprehension?

Jeremiah 29:11-13; Proverbs 3:5-6